


Behind the Bookshelf

by tuxedomarch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brothers, Moving, Platonic Relationships, Suicide, ghost au, human ghost au, its gonna get sad, well i mean he becomes a ghost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-03-21 11:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3690810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuxedomarch/pseuds/tuxedomarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kei decides to move in with his older brother, Akiteru, in an old gothic-style home. After a day of getting settled, Akiteru tells Kei that had been hearing strange noises at night, but mostly brushed them off to be the gas and electricity, when in actuality, there was a shy little ghost who never wanted to be left to begin with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Leave Me Alone

**Author's Note:**

> kei / tadashi isn't my ship romantically but i love them together as best friends!! :D (everythings the same except that tadashi never lived the same time kei does, all the other characters and their lives are the same!)

"Bye mom, bye dad" Kei said as he pulled his suitcase and backpack from the trunk of his parents car.

"I promise I'll keep my baby brother alive, don't worry okay~!" Akiteru chimed happily to his mother.

"Be good to your older brother okay?" Kei and Akiteru's father said, "He's been a little off lately, so treat him nicely!" as both the Tsukishima parents drove away, with the mother halfway out the window, waving her arms and yelling how much she loved the two equally.

"Boy that was fun, right Kei-chan?" the eldest of the brothers said, clapping his hands with an awkward smile on his face.

"It's obvious who the favourite child is now." Kei said bluntly with a cheeky grin, earning a whiny 'hey!' from his brother.

"Let's just get inside, the earlier you're situated the better!" Akiteru said happily, walking back into his home.

Turning around, Kei examined his surroundings. It was a nice healthy green lawn with 3 Magnolia sieboldii trees neatly placed by the side of the home. The home itself was an older style Gothic home. 

It had nice white paneling with cream colored window shutters. The home appeared to be around two stories tall and from the exterior, pretty small. It also had a balcony lightly jutting out from the right side, overlooking towards the nearby track field.

Taking a deep breath of air and pushing up his thick rimmed black glasses, Kei began to walk up the nicely graveled walkway to the large sized walnut coloured door.

Stepping into the main entry way, the entirety of the house seemed to be painted white, minus the sitting room which was painted a sea green oddly enough. "Hey, Akiteru, what's uh with the weird colour scheme?" Kei asked, continuing to look around the home. 

Peeking around the corner, Akiteru had a bagel in his mouth, "I recently moved in about a month ago remember? I just finished moving in some furniture, so I haven't gotten around to painting." he said, taking out the bagel to munch a bit, "There are SOME paint cans in one of the rooms, I just can't remember where I put it. But anyways, go pick a room. There's 2 for you to choose from. I recommend the one down the hall from upstairs. Has a large window, its perfectly far away from mine, and I may or may not have already moved all the furniture from your room into it."

Kei scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Not much of a choice then" he mumbled, carrying his suitcase and backpack up the stairs and down the hall like his brothers directions said. The hallway wasn't all that long but it was quiet narrow a barely illuminated by the midday sun and the blinking lights. It wasn't as much creepy as it was annoying to Kei.

Reaching the end of the hallway, Kei nudged open one of the doors revealing a small study room. Akiteru had already moved in a desk, his computer and his bookshelf with his copper lamp. It was also a greyish white color with two windows that so desperately needed blinds with the sun directly beaming down into the room.

Nodding to himself, he shut the door and opened up another door in the end of the hallway. Inside was a light green bathroom with a shower/bath mix and a toilet with a sink and mirror. The colour wasn't too gross and Kei knew that this colour was for sure going to stay, he hoped Akiteru didn't have plans to change this room.

Exiting the bathroom, there was one last door to examine and if he wasn't mistaken, it was his bedroom. When his hand came into contact with the old brass knob, Akiteru's voice came from up the stairs "Kei-chan! I forgot to tell you something! There've been some weird noises coming from that part of the house at night and then the noises move around the entirety of the house! It's probably just the vents, but I'm too scared to check. You can handle it, right?"

Sighing, Kei turned around and yelled back "Whatever you big chicken". He opened the door and it appeared to be a small bedroom. The walls had some cracks in it and a couple water stains, but what did Kei expect. The house was most likely older than anyone he actually knows, so he just brushed it off. He would paint the walls lilac anyways.

Dropping his backpack and suitcase in the middle of the floor, he also noted his bed was already neatly set up in the corner of the room, the clothes he couldn't fit in his bags were already hung up in the closet, his wardrobe set up next to the closet, boxes and boxes of books, clothes, and music were all ready for him to unpack. There was a large window that would open, offering a nice view above the neighborhood. Everything seemed nice, tranquil and in order.

Except for one thing.

There was an antique book case next to the door. It was a dark brown oak colour, there was only very few scratches from past books and paper weights that could easily be covered with some wood buffering. Kei went over to lightly run his fingers over the wood. It felt smooth to his touch, but left a trail of dust as he dragged his hands along. And judging from the amount of dust on the shelf, it seems that nobody has been in this house for decades. 

"Seems you like the room?"

Kei jumped a bit, turning around to see his brother standing in the doorway drying off a plate with a smile on his face. "Yeah, its cool." he muttered lamely, "It's tiny as hell though..."

Akiteru stopped drying off the plate and chuckled light heartedly, "Why else do you think I gave you an entire hallway to yourself? I told you! You're far away from me so you got your own bathroom and even a study so you dont lose papers in the pig-pen you used to call your room back at mom and dad's place!"

"My room was not a pig-pen!" Kei snapped, "Anyways, what's with this bookshelf. You could've at least dusted it."

Akiteru's smile slightly faltered, "well, that bookshelf was already here when I moved in. I just...I just don't get a good feeling ya know?"

"Whatever" Kei muttered, opening up his backpack, pulling out: notebooks, textbooks, and a few mangas and setting them all on the floor. "Well it's mine now, even if they left it. Now where's some paper towels and a can of Pledge™?". Akiteru's smile returned to his features as he left the room, "Well I'll leave Kei-chan to his cleaning, I'm gonna go work on some electric work in the shed outback."

"Yeah yeah whatever" Kei said, rolling his eyes.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Hours had passed by, the sun was about to pass the horizon officially marking night time and Kei had finished unpacking his boxes, half his room already finished from his move. He spent a vast majority struggling to open the boxes his mother had oh so carefully taped together with some sort of nuclear bomb resistant concrete tape that refused to let go of the cardboard box, even with the sharpest knife in the house.

Stifling a yawn, Kei placed his three favourite dinosaur figures, a Dracorex, Gasosaurus, and a Massospondylus, on the bookshelf that he had cleaned, which was already lined with all his books and papers. He stood back admiring his work before falling back onto his bed. The sun slipped past the horizon right in front of Kei as he sighed, his eyelids growing heavy. He was about to finally doze off when there was a knock on the door of his room.

"Ugh go away" he mumbled, turning over on his side, some pops coming from his stiff back.

Akiteru popped his head in, "Come on Kei-chan! I picked up a pizza after running to the hardware store! It's your favourite too, cheese and green peppers~" he sang, his response was a low groan and a curse word.

"Kei-chaaannnn, don't be such a butt hole!" Akiteru complained, latching his hands around Kei's ankles and proceeded to yank him off the bed and down the stairs. "geh! Why are you so fat!!" Akiteru whined as he continued to drag his younger brother who didn't even put up a fight, he was just that tired.

“I’m not fat, you’re just weak” Kei said after his brother released his legs in front of the stairs. Standing up, he walked down the old creaky stairs to the kitchen which still had a majority of boxes scattered around, but the appliances seemed to be all working.

“I WOULD cook, but the oven doesn’t have gas yet ya know? They shut off all electricity and gas in this place for over 37 years and so its gonna be few days before everything works again,” Akiteru mumbled, following Kei into the kitchen and opening up the box of pizza that sat on a counter in the middle of the room. “Don’t be surprised if the wifi, electricity or even plumbing goes a little bit wonky.” he said, stuffing his face into a slice of the pizza.

Snagging a couple slices of pizza, the two both stood in a comfortable silence as they ate. They would be sitting, but Akiteru still hasn’t assembled the chairs he got from IKEA just yet.

“Hey Akiteru, about what you said earlier, what do you mean that you don’t get a ‘good feeling’ from the bookcase in my room?” Kei asked suddenly, not looking up from his slice of pizza.

Akiteru stopped mid bite and slowly pulled his head away from his food to stare at his brother, “It just, freaks me out is all. Something just doesn’t feel right.”

“And what about the ‘strange noises’ that start near my room and work its way around the house?”

 

“Okay, I’m pretty sure that its the gas and electricity surging through the building since one of the auxiliary generators is above your room, so its probably that. But it still makes spooky noises!” Akiteru cried, reverting back to his usual personality. Kei just sighed and finished his pizza, excusing himself for the night.

“Alright, night Kei-chan!” Akiteru called as Kei walked back up the stairs and down the hallway.

“He’s so full of it,” Kei mumbled, throwing himself on the bed and lightly groaned as the soft blankets rubbed against his sore back. “Such a ...cry...baby” he managed to say in between a few yawns before dozing off.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Kei woke up at around 2:14 in the morning and sighed.

“I have to pee,” he mumbled, getting out his warm bed and next door to where the restroom was.  
\--  
After emptying himself, he returned and changed slowly into his pajamas with a long yawn. “Ngh...so sleepy…” was all he kept mumbling as he crawled back in bed.

Right before he fell asleep for the final time, a timid voice spoke from the corner of the room

_“Why did you leave me alone”_


	2. I do exist!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei simply believes that last night with Tadashi was all in his head and manages to convince himself that it was. Until breakfast with Akiteru the next morning when Akiteru asks if Kei believes in ghosts, Tadashi isn't too pleased with the outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> waaahhh!! thank you for the 16 kudos on the first chapter alone ;0; hope you guys enjoy this next chapter!

Kei's eyes snapped open as he sat straight up in bed, fumbling to find his glasses in the dark. "Who are you?! Where are you?!" He demanded.

"S-Shh!! You'll wake the giant!! He scares mee!!" The voice in the corner of the room cried. Kei could hear the voice shaking but he wasn't going to let his guard down for nothing. 

"What do you mean 'wake the giant'?" Kei asked, not letting his defense down.

"T-The giant with the smoothed down blonde hair!! H-He always talks to you!" The voice continued to cry, it was obvious whoever the voice belonged to was more scared than Kei was, that is, if he was scared. 

"What do you me-" Kei was about to ask when he stopped, "...I wont wake said 'giant'," he started, the voice in the corner letting out a huge sigh of relief, "only if you show yourself. You could be an intruder for all I know and I'll have to kill you to protect myself" Kei finished. 

There was silence in the room as Kei continued to stare into the dark corner, the only thing illuminating the room was the waning moon in the sky. There was a sigh from the corner and a small 'alright'.

A figure that stood at around 179cm with short yellowish-brown hair and freckles on their cheeks emerged from the corner. A faint blue light was emitting off of them and they seemed semi-transparent. "Y-You're not gonna hurt me, a-are you?" The figure said, looking down at their feet. 

Kei sat there, taking in the being in front of him. Studying their features. 

The being appeared to be a teenage boy roughly around Kei's age, he had a weird strand of hair coming off the top of his head that seemed to be twitching which Kei had found odd. The being also was wearing beat up sneakers, school uniform slacks and a sports jacket with the school name on the front worn away. The name was still sewn in and Kei could faintly make out the characters. 

"'Yamaguchi Tadashi'" Kei said, the being snapped his head up, his pupils shrinking a little. "H-How do you k-know my name?" 'Tadashi' asked, seeming more frightened now. 

"Well its kinda on your jacket ya know" Kei said narrowing and rolling his eyes. Tadashi blinked a couple times before pulling at the chest to read his own jacket, "I never noticed my name was on this thing...all this time" was somethings he mumbled, quietly giggling to himself at how stupid he must have seemed. 

Tadashi snapped back to his current situation which was in front of a megane blonde with his fists currently clenched and ready to lunge at him if he made any sudden movements. 

Kei opened his mouth to ask another question when there was loud stomping down the hall, this scared Tadashi and he cried, running back to the safety of his dark corner. 

"KEI-CHAN, KEI-CHAN, ARE YOU OKAY?! I HEARD CRYING AND YELLING!!" Akiteru yelled, barging through the bedroom door and flicking on the light. The light flooded the room and the corner that Tadashi had ran to only moments before was empty. 

Flipping over to lay on his face, shielding it from the blinding light, Kei hissed at his brother. "I'm fine you damn giant. Turn off the lights and go to bed, you woke me up for nothing". Akiteru blinked a few times and ran a hand through his bed head blond hair, quietly asking himself if he was going crazy as he turned off the lights and walked back to his room, shutting the door behind him. 

"I-Is he gone?" Tadashi asked, still hiding god knows where. 

Kei sat back up, "yeah he's gone. You can come out again." He mumbled, rubbing his eyes and setting his glasses back on his face.  
Inching out from a wall on the opposite side of the corner which he hid, Tadashi was shaking as he stood back in front of Kei. "T-Thanks" he said sheepishly. 

Before Kei was about to roll back over on his side, he had suddenly remembered the voice from when he returned from the bathroom, “Was that your voice earlier?”

 

“eh?”

“When I went to pee”

 

“Oh that, yeah.”

“Why?”

Tadashi sighed, bringing his knees up to his chest, “I’ve been so lonely for all these years, and every night I walk around to see if anyone had visited me like they used to, but they stopped many many years ago.” He mumbled, looking off to the side,

“So when I heard that someone was moving in, of course I was mad because I was like, ‘hey this is my house!’ but I realized I couldn't do anything. And when I saw how you moved into my room I knew I wouldn't be lonely. So when you suddenly got up and left, I felt like I had done something wrong,” Tadashi continued, his voice wavering a little bit, “I don’t want to be lonely anymore. D-Don’t leave me, please…” he said, a few tears slipping down his face and as he buried his head into his knees.

Kei sat there for a little, watching the spirit’s back move a bit sporadically from his silent crying. He knew how Tadashi felt, Kei was lonely too. His personality seemed to fall on the more cynical-abrasive side and people didn’t enjoy that. He had really only had his volleyball team but even then, they were forced to put up with him.

“If you’re not going to be a cry baby,” Kei said, getting the attention of Tadashi who looked up, his faded brown eyes still had tears to fall, “I won’t leave you and I’ll even be your friend.” Kei mumbled, coughing a bit to hide his embarrassment from negotiating with a spirit of the dead to be his friend.

Tadashi sat there, a bit stunned but nonetheless smiled widely “Thank you so much, erm, Kei Tsukishima was it?” he asked, tilting his head. Kei sighed, “Tsukishima to you, we don’t know each other all that well.” he said.

“Tsukki it is!” Tadashi laughed, wiping his eyes with his jacket sleeve.

Kei’s expression darkened a bit, “Shut up Yamaguchi.”

“Geh?! What happened to Tadashi?!”

“You get your first name back until ‘Tsukki’ goes away”

“Yamaguchi it is then.” Tadashi said, his grin increasing.

Groaning, Kei flipped over on his side, facing the wall. “Maybe this is all one giant weird dream. No more pizza with green peppers before bed. Or you’re some weird stalker neighbor kid. Go home dude.” He grumbled.

Tadashi crawled up next to him, poking his back. “Sleep all you want, I’m not leaving Tsukki!~” he sang quietly, earning a reply and an earnest ‘shut the up and go to sleep’ from Kei as he settled back into his bedsheets.

Tadashi stood up, turning towards the bookcase, silently looking at the books and dinosaur figures Kei had placed on it hours beforehand. “Seems Tsukki likes dinosaurs, that’s so cool!” Tadashi said quietly to himself. Looking over his shoulder, Tadashi smiled one last time, “I promise I’ll be your friend forever” he said to Kei softly.

☆☆☆☆☆☆

“Kei-chaan~! Wake up! Breakfast time!” Akiteru called up the stairs.

Grumbling, Kei sat up, finding himself laying upside down in his bed. “It was a dream” Kei said to himself, looking around the room. Seeing that there was no evidence of a spirit or even a creepy stalker neighbor kid, Kei got up and stumbled down the stairs.

“Morning lazy butt” Akiteru greeted him, emptying a pan of fresh scrambled eggs onto a platter.

“I really wish you would put on pants when you cook, it’s weird” Kei deadpanned, as Akiteru looked down with the bowl of eggs in one hand. He was wearing short white boxers with dragons over the front with a shirt that said “New York” on it.

“...I don’t see your problem” Akiteru said, setting the eggs on the table next to the other foods set out; eggs, bacon, oranges and bagels.

“It’s weird coming downstairs and seeing your older brother wearing dragon boxers.” Kei rolled his eyes.

“Well you aren’t any better Mr. I-Wear-Princess-Pants-To-Bed!” Akiteru laughed, pointing to Kei’s pajama pants.

“Princess pants to be--..” Kei asked, looking down before all the colour in his face left. He must have been so tired he must have put on the pajama pants his grandma gave him a few months ago. Looking back up, his face still in shock was Akiteru sitting in the chairs he had assembled a bit after Kei went to bed, laughing so hard his face turned purple.

“CHOKE ON AN ORANGE!” Kei nearly yelled, huffing and sitting in his chair, crossing his arms. “Y-You just lo-look so majestic!” Akiteru said between laughs and giggles as he served himself some of the eggs.

Kei shook his head and served himself up some of the breakfast. “I thought you said the gas was off?” Kei asked, taking a bite of bacon.

“I said it was going wonky, but it stayed going long enough to cook” Akiteru explained to his brother. “I’m a bit disappointed that it wasn't as good as I’d want it to be, the eggs are a bit rubbery…”

“I thought you were just starting to get more sucky day by day with cooking”

“Do you want to live off ramen noodles forever because that’s whats gonna happen if you don’t be quiet”

“Point taken”

Akiteru chuckled a little, peeling his orange. At the same time, Tadashi poked his head through the wall, invisible to the humans, curious to see how ‘Tsukki’ was this morning.

“Kei-chan, there’s something I want to ask you.” Akiteru said.

Kei looked up with half a bagel in his mouth and made a sound of questioning.

“Do you believe in ghosts?” he asks, taking a sip of orange juice.

Kei sat there for a little, raising an eyebrow “What makes you say that?” He asked, taking the bagel out of his mouth.

“Well, after I went back to bed from checking on you, I heard a low rumble and just assumed it was the gas again so I didn’t think anything of it,” he began, Tadashi’s facial expression froze for a bit.

“But when I got to my bedroom door, I heard footsteps and light humming. I turned around and saw this...this blue figure moving down the hall and disappearing into the upstairs sitting room...am I just going crazy or do you think there’s like...an actual ghost in this house?” Akiteru said, suddenly serious.

“You’re just going crazy, there’s no such thing as ghosts” he deadpanned, adding strawberry cream cheese to his bagel.

Tadashi quietly gasped and narrowed his eyes, ‘no such thing as ghosts?! NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS?!’ he thought, ‘I’ll show YOU no such thing as ghosts!’ he thought, slipping back into the wall, a devious idea playing through his head.

This breakfast was going to make Kei regret those fateful words, and Tadashi was going to make sure of it.


	3. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long and fun filled summer, Kei has to begin his first day at Karasuno high, leaving Yamaguchi alone. While Kei is away, Yamaguchi begins to ponder on a question he had been asked that morning and falls into despair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack!! Sorry this took so long!! This week was the end of the grading period and so I had to make sure all my grades were passing!!

Once Tadashi disappeared from the kitchen area, the Tsukishima brothers continued their breakfast in peace. Or what they felt was for a few seconds. There was the sound of a light chain swinging, making Akiteru look up. 

The small hanging light fixture above the 2 began to slightly swing. Kei stood up to stop the fixture from swinging more, "probably rats or something" Kei said as justification. 

Akiteru nodded, taking a sip of his orange juice and leaning back in his chair. 

"What are your plans for summer brea-" Akiteru asked when his chairs legs suddenly broke, every screw to make the chair suddenly flew every direction. A string of curse words left the older brothers mouth as he tumbled to the ground. Kei only laughed. 

"Told you that you were getting fat!!" He snorted as he brother crawled up with a sour expression on his face. 

"Ha ha ha. Very funny. You know I suck with tools, and IKEA must have given me faulty chairs" Akiteru growled, standing up and walking down the hall to grab a spare pullout chair from the closet. 

Tadashi frowned, he held a couple screws in his ghost hands before letting them fall. "Damn!!" He swore "I need to get my revenge on stupid Tsukki!" He said to himself. 

Tadashi peeked around the corner, seeing Kei sitting alone at the kitchen table finishing his breakfast. His eyes drifted down to Kei's princess style pajama pants and glass of orange juice sitting on the table, his devious smirk returning to his freckled features as he disappeared one last time. 

There was a small tug on Kei's leg, causing him to look down. When his attention was diverted, the glass of orange juice suddenly shattered, scaring Kei. Akiteru yelped like a scared puppy at the sound, “KEI-CHAAANNN!! WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!!” he yelled, the sound of him jumping to the ground audible over the noise of the glass carefully scattering on the tile.

Tadashi leaned against the wall on the other side of the kitchen, covering his mouth as he was giggling. Kei grew an angered expression as he began to carefully pick up the pieces of shattered glass before wiping up the orange juice that had flown in every direction. Tadashi gave a proud smirk as he disappeared a final time from the kitchen, his task done for the day.

Akiteru shakily poked his head around the corner, “I-Is the siege over?” he asked, sounding terrified.

“Yeah and so is Aunt Andrea’s favourite drinking glass set,” Kei growled, showing his brother the last few pieces of glass that originally held form.  
Akiteru frowned, looking at the glass. “Go upstairs and get ready for the day, I can handle clean up down here.”

Kei nodded. Throwing away the glass before heading up the stairs and down the hall where a certain freckled ghost was sitting on his bed.

“Okay what the fuck was that?!” Kei growled, slamming the door causing Tadashi to look up.

“What do you mean, Tsukki?” Tadashi asked with the most smug look he could muster.

“Breaking glass and Akiteru’s chair?!”

“You didn’t acknowledge my existence and I have the right to do such actions!”

“Tch, according to what? The ‘Ghost Constitution’ or something?”

Tadashi pouted, “If I say yes, then what?”

Kei sighed, rubbing his temples, “Just don’t do that again, alright? Akiteru is already worked up about life as it is…”

Tadashi eagerly nodded, jumping up from the bed and onto the desk chair, spinning around happily. Kei just stood in the doorway, he never expected a ghost to be this...lively. He expected a depressed little orb that would just moan and groan, throwing things around, trying to make his life hell. It almost seemed that Tadashi…

“Did you have any friends?”

Tadashi stopped spinning around to stare at Kei with wide curious eyes, “What do you mean? You’re my friend aren’t you?”

Kei frowned, sitting on his bed, “I mean besides me, don’t you have ya know, any friends from like the living or ghost world?”

Tadashi gave a half-chuckle, scratching the back of his head, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth, “I’ve always been really shy, so I really can’t account for friends. I think I had about one or two, but now that you’re my friend, I have well A friend now!” he said happily, clapping his hands.

Kei let out a small chuckle before going back to his usual snappy self. Seeing Tadashi so excited over a friend was one thing, but Kei BEING that friend was extremely foreign to both boys. Both weren’t that popular or had hardly any friends due to their personality issues. Kei being cynical and ruthless and Tadashi being so hidden in his shell and scared made it difficult for the two to have anyone that would want to consider them as friends.

Friends.

This word brought an internal smile to Kei’s features, someone he could truly talk to.

This would surely be an interesting summer break with his new best friend, a ghost.

☆☆☆☆☆

The summer came and went and the two boys had more fun than anyone could ask for.

Kei and Tadashi would stay up till stupid hours in the morning watching horror films, most of the time it involved Kei trying to tell Tadashi that he WAS a ghost so the ones in the film couldn’t actually hurt him.

They watched volleyball interim matches on tv, wrote stories and became close knit friends.

As sad as it may seem, the duo’s wonderful summer came to an end as school for Kei began to start up. He had gotten accepted into Karasuno High School and wasn’t at all excited to go back to the people he very much despised.

“Hey Tadashi,” Kei asked, as he finished preparing his lunch for the first day of school, “Why are you a ghost anyway?”

Tadashi titled his head, his face holding a stoic expression before it slowly molded into one of seriousness and concern, “I...I don’t know…” he finally said, looking down at the floor, “I...I can’t even remember how I died honestly Kei. All I know is that I’m dead…” he mumbled pathetically.

Kei sighed, giving him the thumbs up while retaining his bored expression, “Don’t mind, alright?” he said, wrapping up the bundle of food. “I’m probably gonna join you in the land of the dead after today, wish me luck!” he waved as he dashed out the front door.

Akiteru ran down the stairs, wearing pink boxer shorts that had small frogs on them and a shirt that just said “Sofa King” written across the top, waving his car keys around and yelled “KEI-CHAN WAIT I CAN DRIVE YOU TO SCHOOL TODAY!!”

Kei took this time to dash out the front door, breaking out into a full mad dash to school which lucky for him, was only 5 blocks away.

“KEI-CHAAANN!!” Akiteru’s voice whined as he chased after his brother out the door like a madman.

Tadashi stood in front of the window in Kei’s bedroom, slightly smiling at the silly scene in front of him. A cynical teen on his way to his first day of high school with a crazy brother chasing behind him in princess frog boxers. That’ll get people talking.

Once the two were just out of eyesight, Tadashi turned from the window and carefully slid the curtains closed. The room now dark except for the light blue illumination coming from Tadashi’s ghost form.

Tadashi walked over towards the bookshelf, gently placing his hands on it. He imagined the smooth wood gently gliding under his touch, yet he felt nothing. He felt the draft of air as his hands fell through the wood and objects resting on it.

“Tsukki...what’s it like, _to live_....” his quiet voice said, small tears dripping from his cheeks as he slowly sat on the floor in front of the bookshelf, sadly staring at the small figures placed on the shelves.

☆☆☆☆☆

“Oyi, Yamaguchi, I’m home” Kei called out into the empty house since Akiteru was working late that night. Instead of being greeted by a smiling face and a loud “TSUKKI!”, the home was silent.

Kei kicked off his shoes and made his way upstairs, “Yamaguchi? C’mon dude, don’t try to do this now?” he groaned, opening his bedroom door. Tadashi was leaning against the bookshelf, hugging his knees. When Kei approached him, he could tell his friend was obviously distressed about something.

“You look like you’ve seen a gh--....ghoul.” Kei said, correcting himself, reaching out a hand toward his ghostly pal. Tadashi continued to just stare at him blankly, Kei couldn’t tell what Tadashi was thinking about.

“I-...I don’t know where I am, I’m lost Tsukki. I’m scared.” He admitted, hugging his knees tighter.

“You’re right here. You’re in my room, Yamaguchi.” Kei said, keeping his voice quiet and calm, not wanting to scare him anymore than he already is. “What do you mean by lost…”

Tadashi was now visibly beginning to tremble, biting his lip, “Everyone remembers where they are and when, I don’t know what happened. I’m just...I’m just lost!” he yelled, full blow sobs now coming from him. Kei just watched Tadashi cry for what seemed like hours which in reality was only five short minutes.  
“Yamaguchi.” Kei said sternly

“Y-Yea?” Tadashi said, sniffling and hiccuping a little bit once he calmed down.

“Tell me everything you can remember.”

Tadashi sniffled once more, rubbing his eyes on his jacket sleeve, and nodded.

“It began almost 40 years ago…”


	4. Who was I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tadashi reveals his horrible past to Kei  
> {WARNING: CONTAINS SUICIDE. PLEASE READ AT OWN CAUTION}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in like over a month or two! AP testing and state tests are awful. But school ends next week so I can finish this series soon!

"Where's my little Tadpole?" a womanly voice asked with happiness resounding in her voice. A young boy appearing to be in 2nd grade was hiding underneath the cupboard in his kitchen, covering his mouth trying to suppress the giggles. 

“Is heee under the table?~” The woman’s voice said, as she walked around the kitchen. The young boy inched his cabinet door open a crack to get a peek out at his mother. The woman turned around and caught his glance before he disappeared back under the cabinet.

“There you are, Tadpole!” the woman cooed, as she surprised her son by opening the cabinet. The boy laughed and reached out to his mom who gingerly pulled him out from his hiding spot. Giggling she asked, “How long were you hiding there Tadashi?” she asked, pushing some strands of hair away from his face.

Tadashi laughed again, "not long mommy. I crawled under when you brought down basket!" He babbled, pointing to the laundry basket that his mom had brought down 3 minutes earlier. Tadashi's mom felt relieved that her son wasn't hiding under a dusty cabinet for too long. Setting Tadashi down on the floor, she went back to her laundry. 

"So how was school today?" She asked as Tadashi crawled onto a chair. Tadashi looked down and began to swing his feet, "it was okay. Mommy, how do I get rid of my spots?"

"What do you mean 'spots'?"

"The ones on my face!! Everyone says they look gross!! I wash my face when you tell me to mommy but they won't come off!!" Tadashi began to sob as he told his mother about his freckles.

His mother sighed as she set down the basket and walked over towards her son. "Tadashi Yamaguchi, look into my eyes." She said, placing her hands on his cheeks and thumbing away his tears.

"Your freckles are beautiful. They make you special." She began, rubbing her still sobbing son's cheeks. "You are not gross. Every day, your father and I tell you how beautiful you are and how much you mean to us."

Tadashi looked up, lightly sniffing now. "D-Do you and daddy REALLY think that?"

"Everyday sweetheart. Remember it too, no matter what."

~*~

A few years had passed since that conversation with his mother. Tadashi had believed that as he grew older, people would stop calling his face 'pimply', sadly, it continued.

He got continued to be picked on and made fun of since his freckled were called ugly. Those words did hurt, but it sure got worse when they began to make fun of him as a whole.

He would be called a "wuss", "pussy", "wimp", all those hurtful words. He began to cave. His anxiety would flare everyday in public. But he had always managed to keep everything hidden when with his parents. He didn't want to cause them grief, seeing their son being tormented at school for his looks and personality.

He would cry silently to himself every night. He had no one to talk to, no one to turn to. Tadashi couldn't bring himself to tell anyone, it also didn't help that he had almost no friends.

Tadashi felt his world closing in, anxiety attacks and depression episodes became more and more frequent to a point where he didn't know how much longer he could last.

School has been exceptionally bad one day. To Tadashi, almost everyone had bashed on him. He was slammed against lockers, walls, into the girls bathroom, and handed menacing notes. He would just shake his head and bite his lip to hold back, but that day he couldn't. 

After being slammed into the 7th wall that day during lunch break, he fell and began to cry. It was silent sobs but it got everyone's attention.

There was no laughter, only silence.

The silence was awful to Tadashi. He could feel everyone's eyes on him. Possibly thinking horrible things about how more weak he was crying in plain site in front of everyone.

He hated it. He hated everything. He hated himself.

Tadashi fled from everyone's view and hid in the boys bathroom where he continued to cry until school had let out a few hours later.

He had come to a conclusion on how to fix everything.

He made a peaceful walk home, enjoying the scenery. He had calmed down from his episode earlier that day as he approached the front door.

His parents had gone out for the evening to a dinner and was left some leftovers.

Tadashi's smile faltered, he wanted to at least hug his parents but he knew they wouldn't be home till late. Walking up the stairs and down the hall, Tadashi entered his room. He set his backpack down and changed into his everyday clothes. Jeans, sneakers, shirt and his volleyball jacket. 

He had never been part of the school's official team, but he had always wanted to. Tadashi had been practicing for team tryouts but was all too frightened to do it, not wanting to be bullied for something he liked.

Tadashi looked around his room once more, admiring all the things in there. A photo of him and his parents at the fair, a few drawings he had made, a bookcase filled with his favourite comics and actual books and his desk in the corner of the room.

A tear fell down his face as he looked out the window, watching the sun descend down the horizon. The colours were beautiful and he knew that it was truly the last time he would see them.

Going over to his desk, more tears falling down his face and all the memories of the horrible bullying and mental torture through all his years of school began seeping in at once. The bullying, the violence, his breakdowns. He couldn't stand it. His whole world began to rapidly cave in on his all at once. It was more than he could have ever handled. 

He managed to write a paper addressed to his dad and mom. Folding the paper carefully, he stumbled over to his book shelf and set it on top of the wood.

"I'm sorry you won't see your little boy grow up like you wanted to..." he whispered to the photo of his parents.

~*~

"Tadashi! We're home!" A man's voice called out as he and his wife walked through the door.

"Shh! Not so loud! I don't want to wake him up, high schoolers get really cranky and Tadashi isn't any different!" The woman reprimanded to her husband. Tadashi's dad chuckled and apologized, heading into the kitchen.

"I'm going to go check on little Tadpole though, in case he IS awake." Tadashi's mom said as she began to head up the stairs "No thanks to your loud voice!" She said, giggling a little, disappearing up the stairs.

Tadashi's dad chuckled and took off his coat, hanging it up. He was about to head into his study when an ear piercing scream rang through the house.

The woman came rushing down by the banister "I-It's T-Ta-Ta--" she could barely get her words out, she was pale and crying, pointing feverishly to the end of the hallway where Tadashi's room is.

The man rushed up the stairs, grabbing his wife's hand and ran into their son's room.

There from the ceiling fan, was their son's lifeless body barely hanging off the floor.


	5. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has Tadashi found his main purpose in life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god im so sorry i meant to have posted this at the BEGINNING of June but I went of vacation to Scotland and wasn't able to upload it QAQ

"My funeral service was grim," Tadashi continued, looking down at his feet. "My parents never left my side, even in the coffin. Hardly anyone showed up to the service and burial..."

"I don't know what happened to my note though." Tadashi admitted. "My parents kept asking why I did it and why I never said goodbye. Even though I wrote it for them."

“Maybe they didn’t understand the note? Or they couldn’t read your handwriting?” Kei asked, stopping the spirit from talking more, Kei was about to cry his damn eyes out for sure.

“Okay okay I get it, I get it. You couldn’t handle school and you couldn’t handle the stress of scaring your parents, so you felt suicide was the only way out?” Kei said, cleaning his glasses.

Tadashi made a face, “Ehhh, it’s a little more in depth and has more meaning than that, but its the main surface of it. But yeah.” He scratched the back of his neck, looking everywhere to avoid meeting eye contact with his living friend. “But you vaguely understand the meaning behind this…” Kei began to look more bored as Tadashi went on

“Look, Tsukki, I feel lost because I don’t feel like I have a purpose as a ghost. I don’t know what I should be doing or why I’m still here,” Tadashi admitted, “Ghosts normally have purposes but I feel like I don’t. I don’t know what is actually IN the after life...so far, it’s only a little better than my living life, only more lonely and desolate…”

Before the blonde could reply, Akiteru opened the door, “Kei-chan~! It’s late! Why are you still up--”, his eyes fell upon the faded blue spirit of Tadashi. The three all froze, staring at one another.

“Why didn’t you TELL me you had a friend over? I would’ve come home earlier to prepare dinner for the two of you!” Akiteru said, his face showing a more happier emotion. Kei rolled with it for awhile, “It was an accident. Calm down, I’ll be sure to tell you next time.” He said, waving his older brother off. Tadashi nodded to what Kei was saying.

Once Akiteru left, Tadashi asked how come he didn’t seem to notice that he was a ghost.

“More than likely,” Kei said, “his contact lenses often get a bit blurry late into the night and his eyes probably didn’t adjust to the darkness for enough time for him to notice that you’re an apparition. But that isn’t important…”

“What? Then what is?”

“Finding your purpose in the afterlife, you idiot.”

~*~

Both boys had stayed up the entire night, drafting up multiple lists on what Yamaguchi’s main purpose as a ghost is. They had ended up with almost a full wastebin full of crumbled up and scribbled on papers.

They had ruled out some of the following: 

\- gaining the house back since it didn’t have that much meaning to Tadashi.  
\- haunting the crap out of the Tsukishima brothers since Yamaguchi was as scary as a cotton ball  
\- causing destruction, because Yamaguchi would probably have to clean it himself anyway  
\- making a friend, Kei had grudgingly admitted to being Tadashi’s friend.

“It’s hopeless!!” Tadashi cried, falling onto the carpet, wallowing in his own undead despair. “We’re never going to figure out why I’m here, I’m doomed to the land of the living for eternity!” he whined more.

Kei rubbed the temples of his head, with 7 am approaching and with almost no sleep plus a full day of school ahead of him. He didn’t intend for his next sentence to come out quite as mean and snappy as it sounded.

“Will you literally shut up for five god damn minutes?! I stayed up the entire fucking night, listening to you whine and cry, and writing every little goddamn thing down instead of studying for my huge ass history test today!” Kei almost nearly yelled. “It would be fucking GREAT if you would shut up and go away!”

Tadashi stopped, he sat up on the floor ever so slowly. His faded eyes, continued to stare up at Kei. It was obvious the boy was hurt, by someone he called a friend. Hell, a best friend.

“Maybe you’re right...maybe I should go away…” he said quietly, looking down. Kei sighed, looking more concerned now, “I didn’t mean to-”

“Tsukishima-kun, I know what you meant.” Tadashi said, standing up and bowing at the waist, “I’m sorry for bothering you all this time. I’ll be taking my leave…”

“Yamaguchi, wait,” Kei tried to stop him, but Yamaguchi faded away. Kei knew that his friend hadn’t gone ‘into the light’, but he was probably ignoring him is all. Sure he was used to people ignoring him, but this was someone who had stuck with him and socialized on his own free will.

Kei sighed, pushing up his glasses. Tadashi probably needed to have his own space for a little while, and it was probably for the best. So Kei stood up and got ready for school. Brushing his hair, his teeth and putting on his uniform.

 

As the blonde began to walk to school he couldn’t help but think about Tadashi. He kept thinking about him and his ghostly dilemma all through the school day. He kept thinking about the note and Tadashi’s parents. About how ghosts only exist if they have unfinished business.

So if Tadashi’s parents had read the note, he wouldn’t have been a ghost. But since Tadashi IS a ghost, that has to mean his parents DIDN’T read the note.

Kei continued to ponder over this thought for a majority of the day until it came to be around English Language class.

‘I left the note on top of my shelf, next to the photo of my parents and I’ Tadashi’s voice kept playing on repeat in his head. If Kei’s hunch was right, that shelf must have been part of the original furniture in the house.

Kei opened up his composition book to a clean page and began to write some notes down. He drew the furniture and a line from where Tadashi said he had hung himself. “So if the air must have pushed the note away from the shelf, causing it to fall from where his parents couldn’t see it…” he thought to himself.

Kei stood up quickly in his seat and yelled “It’s behind the shelf!!”, causing the teacher to cease their lecture and his peers to stare at him. The teen payed no attention. He had come up with a plausible solution that Tadashi’s note had blown off the shelf and fell BEHIND the bookcase. It would explain why his parents didn’t have their son’s reason for suicide and how Tadashi has unfinished business.

“Tsukishima-san, would you please sit back dow-” the teacher had asked before Kei ran out of the class with his bag yelling “YAMAGUCHI!” down the halls and all the way home.

Kei felt like he was running forever, his heart was pounding and his mind was racing about if his hypothesis was correct or incorrect but he knew he was going to find out in a matter of a few minutes.

Bursting into the front door, Akiteru jumped from the kitchen, asking what he was doing back so early. Kei ran like a madman upstairs, storming down the hall and into his room. Tadashi was sitting at the window sill reading a book, the sounds even scared him, causing him to drop his book.

“T-Tsukki?! W-What are you doing back so early?!” was all the ghost boy could ask as Kei threw his backpack across the room and began to pull on his bookshelf. Kei continued to push and push until the force became too strong onto the bookshelf, causing it to fall forward.

The bookshelf fell; the books, notebooks and figures Kei had placed there fell forward and scattered on the ground. 

Empty.

Behind the bookshelf was completely empty. Kei stared in shock, falling to his knees. He kept shaking his head, he felt tears prick up at his eyes knowing that there was no hope for his friend and that he was wrong.

“I’m sorry, Yamaguchi…” he whispered, wiping his face and quietly sobbing. Some tears falling on the scattered papers and books.

Tadashi stayed where he was, concerned a bit. He sighed and returned to his book, “It’s okay, it’ll be fine.” He still had no idea WHY Kei did what he did, but he had a feeling it related to him.

With a last sniff, Kei sat on his knees, staring at his mess. “I guess my calculations were off…” he mumbled. Kei was about to stand when something caught his eye. There was a slightly yellowed paper peeking from the bottom of the bookshelf. Reaching out and grabbing the paper, Kei noted the handwriting on the top that said, “Mom and Dad” is a scrawly penmanship.

“You should probably go back to school- what is that?” Tadashi asked, standing up from his reading spot. “Is that...what I think it is?”

Kei stood and walked over towards his friend, holding the folded note. “I think it is.”

Tadashi began to tremble as he watched Kei open the note. There was his suicide note he had written a little over 40 years ago.

‘ _To mom and dad,_

_I’m sorry I have to do this. But this is my final goodbye. You two had given any person the best home life. I had never felt so much love, coming home from horrible school days, just to see both of your faces. I never had the courage to bring up how the abuse at school had gotten worse, I didn’t want to have you all suffer with me. It’s best for me to do this. I won’t stress the two of you out if I was being bullied anymore. It breaks my heart to write this, but I can’t keep going on like this. Please know, I love the both of you so much. This was not your fault, this is my decision, I love the two of you so much. You gave me a wonderful life, I’m sorry I can’t stick around for the rest of it._

_Love your son, Tadashi <3 _ ‘

Tadashi bit his lip, holding back tears. “I wish I never did it. I could have been brave for them. I could have lived a long and wonderful life.” he said, his voice quivering as he finished reading the note. “I would still be alive today…”

Kei folded the note back up and closed his eyes. “Yamaguchi, it’s okay. Everyone has regrets. I know your parents love you even today, even 40 years after your death.” he said, turning to Tadashi with a small smile present on his face.

Tears continued to fall from Tadashi’s eyes but he managed to give off the most radiant smile Kei had ever seen someone give. “I know where I am now. I don’t feel lost anymore, Tsukki”

“It’s time.” Tadashi said, placing a hand on Kei’s shoulder.

The hand gently lifted off his shoulder and Tadashi took a few steps backwards, towards the center of the bedroom. The bright blue light had reappeared from when Kei had first met Tadashi, only this light wasn’t as much as blinding but felt more warm and welcoming. Kei bit his lip, holding back his sadness. Tadashi continued to smile, and made a small sad wave towards Kei.

“Goodbye, Yamaguchi Tadashi. I’m glad to have met you.” Kei said, smiling with tears falling from his eyes.

“Sayonara, Tsukishima Kei. Thank you for being my friend.” was the last thing Kei heard before Tadashi faded away for the final time.

~End


End file.
